Epitaph

An epitaph is a short text honoring a deceased person.  Maybe other people, besides me, have wondered what would be said at their funeral.  Or, if you are like me, wonder would anyone show up?  What would be said?  Here lies Kathy, beloved mother, daughter, and wife.  She was accomplished in……   In what?  If you were to ask me, I have accomplished nothing.  Take that back.  Shaun is one of my accomplishments.  He is everything I wanted him to be…independent and strong.  Which is a good and bad thing.  But Shaun is Shaun and will be fine.  Every time I see a picture or hear his music, I smile.

Me, on the other hand, I don’t know.  I guess the empty nest thing can really get you thinking.  I look around and just don’t know.  If I walk into the light this second, what would it be like?  Can I really say I have done and accomplished great things?  Not really.  Yes, I had a child; however, so do a lot of other women.

I have heard people say death is not a scary thing.  To me, it is.  If I think about it, I get in an emotional turmoil.  My heart beats quickly and I panic.  I think to myself, “You have not accomplished anything in your life.  Nice job.”  But I really shouldn’t worry because I won’t be here anyway.  Dust to dust, right?

When I think about things I want to accomplish, it would be just a dream.  When I was younger, I was a type of powerhouse.  I wanted to be the best in everything I did, and if I didn’t I would try until I did.  Playing 2^nd clarinet was not good enough, I must play 1^st chair.  I must be drum major.  Those things happened because I pushed myself.  When I was younger, a much better epitaph could have been written.

Even Mozart wrote his Requiem, which is beautiful and what I am listening to now.  But Mozart was somebody.  I am……..???