Bathing Suit Weather

Ahh, bathing suit weather.  You have gotta love it….or HATE it.  With me, I have mixed emotions which are:

1.    School is out and time to swim!  (I give this an A+ Grade).

2.    School is out and I have to find a swimsuit. (I give this an F- Grade).

Here is the dilemma every year.  Due to the lovely incisions on my stomach, which produce a “butt stomach”, the bottoms I choose for my bathing suit can be quite tricky.  I have to find the bottoms that will go over the butt stomach area.  If you get them to low, besides your normal butt hanging out in the back, your butt stomach hangs over the front.  NOT a pretty picture, unless I want to stand there with my hands on my hips and a cigar hanging from my lips.

How funny it is to even TRY on the bottoms that tie on the sides.  On me you wouldn’t even be able to see the ties on the side due to the roll.  Sexiness at its best.  No longer am I a size 5 and won’t scare people by trying on a suit that a size fiver should wear.

Moving to the top of the bathing suit.  I long for the days when I was an A cup.  With what I am packing on top NOW, I swear it took me 20 minutes just to situate my top.  I should have turned on the radio and maybe I could have danced while shoving things into my top to look right.  Things being my now D cups.  I push one way, and one falls out.  I push the other way, the other one falls out.  I push up and nearly hit my chin.  You get the picture.

I did solve my problem with my top, as only a Polish woman would do.  I used safety pins.  Yes, that’s right, safety pins.  I used them in the front so the top would close better.  Now at least it looks like a nice path instead of the valley of the doomed. 

I am happy to say the only people who are subjected to my bathing suit attire are my neighbors.  Even then I try and put on a cover up so as not to scare innocent people.  Better yet, if you don’t like the look, cover your eyes! J