Change

Today I was sitting here pondering some things.  Okay, it just hasn’t been today that I have been pondering.  What am I pondering?  Change.  Though people say change is good, this girl goes CRAZY.  If anyone has seen Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory, I get what he is saying.  You can’t wear your Tuesday pajamas on a Thursday!  One of my big “changes” is seeing Shaun on a Friday.  During his first semester, Wednesday was the perfect day.  He didn’t have school and I got out of work early.  When his next semester arrived, I began to itch and get flustered trying to figure out what day was best to see him, since it now could not be Wednesday.  Shaun had asked me, “Well, why not Friday?”  My response?  “Well, because it’s Friday and I can’t come down on a Friday because I am sure you have plans on a Friday because you are 19.”  Shaun’s response?  “Okay, that doesn’t make sense but whatever.”

What am I leading to with all this nonsense?  The reality that an even greater change is coming to my house this summer.  While other students will be returning to their homes, my student is remaining in Chicago and moving into another apartment.  I can’t even sell him on the fact we have a POOL, because his apartment complex has a pool. So as the realization that Shaun will probably not be spending a lot of time here in his room, the worst part of this entire “change” thing is he will be taking his bed.  Why is this a big deal?  Well, a bed has occupied his room in this house since he was in 2^nd grade.  Even now, I like to open the door and look around.  Nothing has been touched since he went back to Chicago in January.  The new reality will soon be opening that door, looking in and seeing emptiness.  Well, if that doesn’t just kick a mom in the stomach. 

Shaun has been in my life since I was 23.  It is difficult trying to wrap my mind to pre-Shaun.  Where was I pre-Shaun?  Working in downtown Chicago.  What was I doing at the age of 20?  Well, I lived by myself.  Hmmm, there is something familiar here.  But this is different!  I mean, he’s my son! 

As I sit here and ponder my thoughts I have to keep in mind that when I was Shaun’s age, I wanted to start my life, too.  And maybe also think that there is another round of living to do with my life.